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Love, trust and security - this is what young women look for in significantly older men. However, this construct does not always work because of the age difference.

Age difference: Why young women love older men

That mature men are often attracted to young women is nothing new. Celebrities like politician Franz Müntefering (41 years age difference to Mrs. Michelle) or actor Til Schweiger (23 years between him and girlfriend Francesca Dutton) have already clearly illustrated this. Assignments and judgments quickly arise in the mind, from: he old and rich, she young and sexy. Together a wonderful community of convenience. The fact that young women seriously long for mature men of their fathers' and grandfathers' age, on the other hand, tends to raise doubts, as does the idea that older men could seriously believe they could experience a second youth with a much younger companion. And yet, it is not only celebrities who live the model. What is so attractive about the age difference? And above all: Is such a relationship good for a long future together?

Avoiding moral condemnation

The Cologne psychologist Ulrich makes a point of completely disregarding moral condemnation for the time being. Of course there are many ways of finding one's self in human existence. One of them is the attraction between people of very different ages, he says. For him, it would be presumptuous "to pathologize everything that is at first sight unusual for the eye. When two people have a relationship of equal rights, even if it is only sexual, in which no one is unfairly exploited, then that is one of the many variations in our lives. It's certainly rather unusual." For psychologists, this kind of relationship between young and old only begins to tip over when the role models are greatly exaggerated: "When the young women make themselves very small and the men in return are very dominant, mature and experienced, a note comes in that, in my opinion, has hints of incest. Such patterns of behaviour were too reminiscent of father-daughter relationships. However, such forms were by no means an automatism in partnerships with large age differences.

Look of old men plays a major role

Even the Berlin psychotherapist Wolfgang sees no reason to sound the alarm immediately when a young woman and a man who could be older than her father are linked: "In the meantime, we have a great tolerance for all forms of relationships. But he cannot completely conceal the fact that the thought of a purely sexual attraction between a 20-year-old and a 60-year-old makes him suspicious. "Looks naturally play a big role at the age of 20. For young women, an attractive man must generally be slim and strong,". According to the psychotherapist, the fact that women then choose a much older man who simply bears traces of life from old age definitely falls out of the usual pattern: "The woman is blossoming, the old man has the end of life in sight. There's a great danger of being and remaining alienated." So no chance of a happy ending? At least not if the focus is only on physical love.

Young men are often considered childish

What both experts find much more comprehensible than a predominantly sexual relationship is a partnership based on love, trust and security. Older men were often characterized by a balanced relationship between self-esteem, savoir-vivre and prestige. This is apparently very popular with younger women. Especially since, from a psychological point of view, young men are often more vain, self-centred and jealous - qualities that women of the same age often find childish. The large age difference usually works well as long as the older man is healthy and strong. According to him, illness and leaving the active world of work are usually the sticking points where many relationships fail. This is when the focus shifts to what was previously often suppressed by both partners: Virility gives way to physical frailty, a confident businessman is sent on an age-related time-out - and either gets bored or throws himself into hobbies and travel, which the partner cannot share or enjoy because she is probably deeply rooted in her job. The differences between young and old are thus exacerbated. It is difficult for both to find a common rhythm. This brings with it a great danger of alienation. It's a bit like the lyrics of the song "Auf anderen Wegen" by Andreas Bourani. It says "My heart beats faster than yours. / They don't beat like one any more." This is exactly the decisive factor for a long-lasting partnership, as scientists have found out.

The now deceased "Playboy" founder Hugh Hefner had Sex with many young women

According to the current state of research, the duration of relationships with a large age difference is, according to the current state of research, clear mainly because the life worlds are too different. He cites two borderlines in this respect: In partnerships with an age difference of nine years, the risk of separation already increases considerably. With an age difference of 20 years, the risk of separation is 95 percent. This is also confirmed by a study on the perfect age difference conducted by Emory University in the US state of Atlanta: Reduced to numbers, a relationship actually has the highest chance of lasting if both lovers are the same age or lie between them for a maximum of four years, the researchers found out. This has a lot to do with the same swinging lifestyle and especially with sexuality. He explains that sexuality takes into account our entire life experience: "And that's why it's good if the person I sleep with is of a similar age. It's not only the physical aspect that plays a role here, but our entire personality, i.e. what I think, what I feel, who I am, how far I have come. People of the same age vibrate similarly, share the same uncertainties. And that's good because they both speak a similar language - in life and in bed." Age does play a role, at least in love.